True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
