I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
