Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
