i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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