insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Someone signed my nipple.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
