I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
