Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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