I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
