So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
