I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
