Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
