I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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