i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
