Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
