Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
operation harelip BJ is a go
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
