I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
