We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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