I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
