Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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