Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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