Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
