That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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