I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
