I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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