I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
