I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I have aggressive nipples.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
