he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
