how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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