How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
