Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
