they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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