My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
