i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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