I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
