new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
