btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
