Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
