i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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