Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
