he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
