I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
