I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
