you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
