Only a mothe r could love this liver
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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