Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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