the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
do herpes really smell.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
