don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
