I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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