Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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