I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
