He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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