Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
