Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So vagazzling was a success
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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