I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
